Hey there!

Have you ever felt as though you were on the cusp of something but not sure what? Something big? Something positive?

That's where I am right now.

And there are many doubts, or gremlins, haunting me. Have you ever read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown? You should. I am fighting those gremlins back, and it's taking some strength. You know the ones…the ones that tell you you're imagining things, that you're being delusional, to hold on…brace yourself for the disappointment.

I have been fighting them off. It's hard work. Exhausting, really. But listening to them is useless.

Anyway…I stepped out of my comfort zone…by going to a networking event the other night. It turned out to be a positive experience, which was great. I met some great folks on the ride down, and a couple of new faces while there. And, I won a raffle prize! I won a tour of the new New England Studios. Yay me!

In between "jobs" right now, and I am not feeling the usual restlessness and "rut" I often find myself in when not actively working on a specific role. Again, back to that feeling of being on the cusp of something big. It's as though this is the calm before the storm. So, I am buckling down and working to tie up loose ends. And maybe actually stay ahead of the laundry situation in my house.

Have a great day! And don't let those gremlins get to you, okay?

Send Me Back...

...to school! And I don't mean college...I'm talking elementary school. 3rd or 4th grade. This computer stuff...aack!
Now, I am...somewhere in my 30s...and I consider myself still pretty young. But if you were to compare what I was learning about in elementary school about computers and what my kids are learning...I am pretty much an antique!
I guess that's why people pay others to do their websites. I was determined to figure it out. And I did, numbing my ass in the process by sitting so long in front of my computer. I set records on myself, for the longest period sitting.
But, alas, completion. Damn, that feels good! Of course, it should and will be a constant work in progress, but the foundation is there...the hardest part of that is over.

In other news, I got new headshots, which is partially what motivated the revamping of said website. I traveled to NYC to have some photos done by Mark Bennington. He was amazing...check out his website at www.benningtonheadshots.com. He was so much fun to work with, and a wiz with that camera and lighting!

And in still more news, I am involved in a staged reading coming up the first weekend in November, Agnes of God. I will be Agnes. What a role, what a script! Intimidating to be sure, definitely jumping out of my comfort zone with this one...bring it on!

All for the moment...happy website navigating!

'Til next time...

Boy, has it been a while!

Sorry about that...things that I find might be blog-ful seem to filter through my mind like a sieve. Like, something happens and I think "gee, that could be in my blog," then a second passes, and bam! Gone from my head, usually never to return. Sigh.

Anyway, since my last post, there has been a new addition to our family. A goat. Yep. A goat. She's a pygmy named Gertrude, Gertie for short. She's pretty funny, and even goes on walks with the kids. Because the (human) kids, cat, and chickens weren't enough. 

Other than that, other than rehearsals for On Golden Pond in Portsmouth, NH, and several video auditions, there have been several beach days, and even a little surfing...!

Oh! There was a little indie film I was in...my first film experience...called Heavenly Angle. It filmed in NH a couple summers ago, written and directed by the same writer as On Golden Pond...and it's funny...I was so excited about filming this, that of course I had told everyone...and now it was a couple of years ago, so people now ask "Weren't you in some movie...?" 

I swear they think I made it up. Like a make believe boyfriend. This was a make believe movie part. 

BUT! It is being screened at the Woods Hole Film Festival this week! Yahoo! Thursday Jim and I are going on a little roadtrip to Cape Cod and checking out Heavenly Angle on a big screen! So, there. It's for real. I hope HD is not too scary to look at...

Ok. So. I am getting ready to dive into another adventure in the following my dream category. I am heading down to NYC again, this time for an acting intensive weekend. The down and dirty, nitty gritty, reach down to the core kind.
I am not going to lie. I am excited, yes. But, I am also nervous, apprehensive, slightly petrified, blah blah blah.
Sigh.
I know, cut it out and put my big girl pants on. They are, no worries...I am doing this. After all, getting out of your comfort zone is what you are supposed to do, right? Otherwise, how do you grow, or move forward? I guess I just still have some of that apprehension, or doubt, creeping up into my head...the "what if I am nowhere near the same level as the other students," or "what if I am not as 'serious' an actor as the others," or "what if I don't like it?" Basically the thought that yes, I am excited and happy to be pursuing my dream, but what if I find out it's not actually what I am meant to be doing? I don't think I will actually come out feeling that way, but the little doubt voice is there, at least sometimes.
Well there, I am glad I got that out. That's the first step anyway...admit the feelings of insecurity, now I can work on putting them behind me and stop them from getting in the way of progress. I plan to shed them within the first few minutes of walking into the studio door on Saturday morning. After all, how can one actually move forward...and truthfully...with doubts, no matter how big or little, floating around in your mind?
There IS one other thing giving me anxiety today...probably even more so. Going over my home "to-do" list in my head...and the route I have to take with it...unless I want to waste a quarter tank of gas, I am going to have to go to (sharp intake of breath here) Walmart.
Just typing it made my stomach funny. Seriously. I haven't been to one of those "W" stores in a few years. But, the house needs toilet paper and paper towels. What can I say? I will survive.

So. I'm back.

I am sitting on a bus on the way home from a new adventure. I hopped on the bus from NH on Sunday to take me to the Big Apple...I took a couple of classes at Paul Michael's The Network yesterday. I got to stay with my brother in law and his wife in Brooklyn, which meant visiting my beautiful 1yr old nephews! Yay me!

I have to admit feeling some apprehension the closer to class time it got. However, this feeling of apprehension was A LOT less than what it might have been even a year ago. Which made it a lot easier for me to ignore it and not let it invade my brain...

The first class was an audition workshop on how to "Sherlock Holmes the script," by the writer of the book Tim Phillips. It was a 6 hr class where you could come and go as you pleased. Well, I certainly didn't go. I didn't want to miss a word! It was great...sides we chose, from anything film or tv, and choose a random reader for yourself, and you're on camera. Then we watch it and Tim gives adjustments. It just so happens he trained with Meisner, and asked me if I had been Meisner-trained! I haven't been formally, so took that as a a compliment!! I enjoyed his style of teaching...do and watch and grab those teachable moments. It made it all make sense. He clearly loves doing what he's doing too.

The second class was a callback workshop with casting director Brette Goldstein. She was great...down to earth, tell it like it is, no sugary sweet topping. Plus she was looking for headshots and resumes. Nice! That was in front of camera, do scene, she suggests adjustments, do it again, and voila! Make the right changes. A little nervewracking, but not too overwhelming.

A concern I admit I now have is people getting turned off by where I live...I am not geographically accessible at a moment's notice. I feel that my challenge is to prove them wrong. To (somehow) show them that they want me enough that it doesn't matter where I come from...I will be where they need me to be.

Not to worry! All in all, despite my bum not enjoying the metal folding chairs for the 6 hours and then the 2.5 hours, it was a great day. I will do it again. Soon. Maybe with a bum pillow.

my first time...blogging

So here it is. 

My first blog post. 

I am starting this as a motivation to keep moving forward. To keep myself in check, and to create a way for others to keep me in check. 

And to share. 

I am a woman. I am a wife, mother, sister, daughter. I am an actress. That is my art. It is what I do, what keeps me sane, insane, excited, on fire, motivated, scared, smiling, frustrated. Happy. 

Next time I will go into a little about how I am where I am. Then we'll just go from there...

For now, I am proud of myself for no longer being a blog-virgin.